Recently, a down-and-dirty "study" was done, where several men subjected their beards to a swabbing. The swabs were then analyzed by a company called Quest Diagnostics. Microbiologist John Golobic tested the swabs, and the results blew his mind.
“I'm usually not surprised and I was surprised by this,” Golobic said.
Several of the beards that were tested contained a lot of normal bacteria, but some were comparable to toilets.
“Those are the types of things you'd find in (fecal matter),” Golobic said, referring to the tests.
Now - let's be reasonable here. Poo particles are not sentient. They do not have reasoning capabilities. They cannot decide that a beard is the best place for them to take up residence. They are unbiased in their ability to be everywhere. The popular TV show "Mythbusters" even performed an experiment, with the conclusion that poo is everywhere.
Here's the truth of the matter. Bacteria is literally everywhere. The desk and keyboard that is sitting in front of you while you're reading this is FILTHY. Your skin is covered. And yes, even that clean shaven face has bacteria on it... some even "comparable to toilets".
Luckily for us, the human body is a very efficient machine when it comes to fighting off illnesses and diseases that are caused by all of these nasty germs. Which is why a "study" like this is really just... well... poo.
Rest assured, the science team here at Smoky Mountain Beard Co. has done extensive testing and found that we are in the clear. So, put the razor down and walk away.
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