Forget new gear, weapons, or sophisticated targeting systems. The newest tool coming to combat troops is low-tech: beards. In a report released yesterday, research think-tank Xegis Solutions noted that beards have a direct correlation to combat effectiveness.
The expert team at Smoky Mountain Beard Co. have researched, compiled, and spent many sleepless nights pondering who has the best beards in Rock. After all of that, we just decided to do a random draw. Because, let's face it... if they are rock stars with beards, how can you rank them? I mean... they're rock stars... with beards... c'mon.
Recently, a down-and-dirty "study" was done, where several men subjected their beards to a swabbing. The swabs were then analyzed by a company called Quest Diagnostics. Microbiologist John Golobic tested the swabs, and the results blew his mind.
It seems that a lot of guys who are beginning to grow a beard (and even some veterans), have no idea what beard care products are available to them, and how those products can benefit their beards. So, I'm going to try and lay it all out here in simple terms.
Growing a beard is easy. You just throw those razors in the trash, and put those electric clippers in a box and store them away in a deep, dark corner of your closet. Now it's time to just sit back and grow it. Right?